Everything I Needed 4 Know. . .

Diva shoes
Ken trying on my diva shoes surrounded by my other diva shoes. No fit!

People around me this week have been having really bad days, bad seconds, bad hours, bad weeks, bad months, bad years. . .bad decades! So what if you have to work with morons, or some idiot keyed your car, or the neighbor's dog keeps pooping in your yard, or no one seems to know how to change the toilet paper roll except you. . .life's tough! After years of taping the Oprah show, subscribing to O Magazine, listening to the podcasts, I've learned a little bit about not getting your panties in a bunch over the stupid things that other people do. I realize, after thousands of dollars worth of biblio and tv therapy, that I already had the solution for all this strife.
Everything I needed to know, I learned on the Olomana Girl's Home softball field. Lesson one, when you have pilikia, never take it personally. You are AWESOME and people are HATERS! Like crabs in a bucket, people will always try to drag you down when you're on the top.
Lesson two, if you are sure that the person(s) hating on you are not related to anyone you know, beef it out. I realize that lesson two will not work in this day and age. First it's illegal to attack someone physically, and second, in this age of youtube, no one wants to see two old futs trying to throw blows and taking inhaler breaks every 5 seconds. Lesson three, if you can't beef it out, outstyle them. What that meant for us back then was rocking the braids. My mom, as our team mom for the Koolau Bobby Sox all-stars, braided the whole team's hair before every game. We had options. French braid, centipede braid, French braid with centipede braids on the bottom, ribbons, no ribbons, fresh plumeria, etc. Well I can't braid my hair anymore, and I've kind of outgrown calling my mom to do my hair every morning, so how can I calm myself down and outstyle those people that give me grief without looking silly? Diva shoes.
Diva shoes are the answer to all the world's problems. Diva shoes are the universal symbol for peace on earth and goodwill toward men. You can have the most conservative suit on, but if you have your diva shoes on, no one will mess with you. Men will stay away and women will come up to you to be near those diva shoes. Not only that, you will tower over your competition. Mind you, diva shoes are not hoochie shoes. No, no, no. Diva shoes are made specifically for bringing joy and gladness to the darkest corners of the world. Diva shoes are like drag queen shoes, only smaller. Men, you too need to wear diva shoes. Believe me, it will balance your life.
Although, as you see from the other picture, men cannot wear their wive's diva shoes. Go buy your own before you stretch it out!


Maui Titah said…
Haters are losers. People who spend their time hating waste energy, their own and the energy of the hatee. Hatees should be complimented to a point in that they are so important that another person would expend such energy.

I think the best way to wop the jaw of a hater is to love that person. Okay, here's the scenario, Here comes Angie doing her hoochie mama walk with her nose up in the air, all set to snub you. You wop her jaw by saying, "Eh Ang...nice XXXX you get on. You look some nice." Of course, it would be ironic if some nice meant some ugly. It would be ironic if you said, "Eh Ang...nice panties you get on." because her dress is stuck in her underwear. But what is the likelihood of that happening.

By being nice and loving the hater, the message is that he/she is not worth the energy to hate back. Besides which, it would really tee them off knowing that they mean less than a mosquito's eyelash to you. As how to deal with losers!!

Diva shoes only work with people who have narrow feet. Diva shoes do NOT work for people with lu'au feet...size 8B or size 5WW he go.
scrivener said…
Um. Did you say Olomana?
Cathy Ikeda said…
@scrivener - yes Olomana, but that's just where we practiced. I wasn't actually IN the girl's home.

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